Happy Holidays!!!

To all my readers, whether new or old, I want to wish you all a Happy Holidays!!!

This the season for plentiful of food, gifts, family and friends. Indulge where your heart is content and remember you can still enjoy the holiday season while on a diet.

Either way make it merry cause you only live once!

How much???

As I have discussed before I was interested in looking into my options when it came to plastic surgery for the excess skin I have after my extreme weight loss.

Earlier this week I entered a very Zen doctors office to learn of my options. I feared that I would be pushed away, told to come back when I loss another 20-40 lbs. What I was not exactly prepared for was the cost.

I met with the doctor after speaking with her office manager, who showed me numerous before and after pictures on different procedures for patients with weight loss. I had already done my research so I knew what the doctor was capable of and all of her credentials. What I needed, what I wanted to know was what my options where.

Finally it was time to sit in with the doctor. I sat with just my bra, socks and paper thong (yes Paper) while she pushed, poked and prodded my stomach. I learned I have excellent (not just good, but excellent) ab muscles and that I would make a great candidate for surgery.

We discussed my options and decided that a simple tummy tuck would be my best option at this point. I'm not looking to be a super model and this is the only area that truly bothers me at this point. I was starting to get excited, feeling like finally I'm seeing the reward to the end of this journey.

After my consultation with the doctor I was ushered back into the office of her office manager to discuss pricing. I sat stunned at the price, I hadn't been told, but had already caught a glimpse of it sitting on her desk.

$12,000

Here's the clincher....

Insurance does not pay for anything. I have spent years dropping the weight to improve my health, to lessen my burden for the future in my health and nothing!!!

They won't even help with hospital bills or if I have any complications. Because it's seen as elective, something I can live without because it does not complicate my life. Well guess what, body image does affect the life of many, me included. It affects many different aspects of life, from moral to physical health.

And they still don't pay.

So I'm stuck in this dilemma, where the heck do I find $12,000? I've lost over 100lbs and now I'm stuck with the harsh reminder everyday of my past. I did this all on my own, with hard work and a lot of blood, sweat and tears; I never once looked into gastric bypass or other surgical intervention to loss the weight, something in which my insurance company would have had to pay for. But yet they won't pay for the hard work I have put in, when so many people decide for an easier way out.

Note: I'm not saying that weight loss surgery is necessarily easier, but when you compare the two choices, one provides a support crutch while the other requires full mental and physical control.

This is how I see it...

If a customer for insurance is presented overweight they should be allowed two options:
1) Weight loss surgery (gastric bypass, lap band, etc.)
2) Plastic Surgery to remove excess skin if the insurance does not pay for weight loss surgery

Seems fair, gives the customer a choice between getting results either now or later. Not now or never!

So now I'm stuck with finding $12,000.

Letting Go of the old me

There are weight loss stories all over the place. A couple loses 300lbs, a house wife loses 200lbs, your neighbor loses 50lbs, etc. Each person has their own story and reasons for their transformation.

When I started this journey I didn’t do it because I thought I was overweight, that didn’t come until much later in my journey. I started out because I was in pain and bored. I knew I needed to lose some weight, just didn’t know how much.

I thought for years, I’m going to lose the person I am. I’m not going to know who I am anymore. And yes I don’t know who I am anymore, but I’m happy!

I’m learning what I can do, not putting limitations on myself and that is more amazing that worrying about losing myself. I have learned so much about who I am and what I’m capable of on this journey that I can’t even express half of it.

I have learned the reasons why I make certain decisions, how to start over, where to forgive and forget. Everything I held in for years and refused to learn I learned. I’m not near my goal. I’m looking into getting my excess skin removed, and focusing in on myself more than I have ever done before.

I don’t know what I will look like at the end, if I will ever get that tattoo I promised myself at the end, or where I will be, but I’m excited to know. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I was a size 6, skinny “nothing” type of girl; my journey wouldn’t have been hard. But I loved that I have had to fight for what I have, I appreciate every step of the journey, even the evil ones, because they have taught me so much.

I laugh every time I reach a new goal, because I think why did I ever think I couldn’t do that? Patience is the key on life and while I have patience with so many things, with myself I never have. I’m healthy, don’t have to be on medications and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

So take it slow, allow yourself to forgive, forget and laugh as much as possible because at the end of the day, you have to be happy with where you came from, even if it’s just a few extra steps. Don’t worry if you mess up, start over, push harder and set goals. Nothing is truly impossible unless you tell yourself you can’t, you are your only barrier. Everything else takes time, patience and practice.

Next stage ~ So excited

I'm excited to announce that I have decided to contact a plastic surgeon about my options for skin removal.

I'm not sure if my insurance will pay for it, they usually don't. But I'm going to try.

When you loose large amounts of weight you will always have skin, just depends on whether it will be able to go back to some form of its old self or not. Mine however will not, I've been overweight for most of my life, I have stretch marks onto of my stretch marks.

My friends and family support this decision, even though its more money. I thought at first I would be ok with just losing weight, but when I look in the mirror I just want to rip the skin off. I'm not looking to be a super model I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

My first consultation is in two weeks. I'm hoping to write about it and then weigh (no pun intended) my options for a better, brighter future.

Getting back in the race

The last year has been insane. Thankfully I have amazing friends and family to keep me grounded when sometimes all I want to do is float away.

As many of you know two and a half years ago I injured my knee really bad. 90% of the cartilage was torn among tendons & ligaments. They thought I wouldn't be able to run again, but I started running a year after surgery (to the day). However, it wasn't easy, my knee kept giving out and I truthfully gave up.

I couldn't run, how could I workout? Right around the time of starting this blog I was in the throws of my frustration. I tried yoga and numerous video challenges to keep my spirits up, but nothing worked. I needed to change something and fast.

I changed my schedule around and started biking and swimming 5-7days a week. I felt happy to be working out, but never fully challenged. I love swimming, since injuring my back four years ago it's been the best thing I could do for myself.

Biking was just my last resort in working out at this point, since my knee could barely even hold me up most days. I spent four months on a routine of swimming, biking and weightlifting every day. Pushing myself to points I didn't think possible (yes I can lift 250lbs but I rather not most days).

But I never felt complete, after months of staring at the treadmill as I biked in the back row of the gym I figured I'll give it a try. If my knee says no then I'll just walk. Well, I'm three weeks in and the only thing that hurts are my shins.

I don't run much, my maximum time so far is 2.5minutes, in a consecutive run. I listen to my knee, if it's weak I don't run, if it's strong I push it until I get an inkling that it's weak. Listening is the best choice for me at this point, but when I took the first 30 second run with out any pain, I had the biggest smile on my face. I felt back in my game, even if I'm still in last place.

I'm not pushing myself to run a 5K any time soon, but sometime in my future maybe I will be able too, without stopping to walk.

With this new accomplishment I feel more confident in my workouts, I do a regular fitness test on the bike at least once a week and I'm pushing myself harder in my swimming. I used to hate sweating, now I love the feeling of it dripping down my neck as I stumble my way out of the gym.

I never give up, even when all the odds are against me.

Lazy workouts

It's been a while since I have written about my actual weight loss. I have hit my ups and downs in the last few months. I've fluctuated in the last 10 pound range for a year now. I wasn't sure why since I workout five to seven days a week then I realized I got lazy.

Yes I was working out, but once I hit a plateau with my workouts I never tried going further. I kept my speed, kept my resistance and length of time around average. The only thing I did was up my weights when weight lifting. But even that felt easy.

Re-evaluation my workouts proved to be a help. I have lost 6lbs since my re-evaluation. Instead of staying on the same resistance I push myself to climb mountains, go faster and longer. Each workout is different, one day I'm climbing hills, the next day its a speed race with myself.

I have even started running again. I know everyone thinks I shouldn't, but I needed to try. I only work on a ten minute block of time to do this. I base my run on my knee, if I'm feeling strong I run for as long as possible, if my knee is weak I speed walk. The slow progress has helped, at least I believe it does.

So take the chance every now and then to re-evaluate yourself, not just your workout. You will be surprised what you learn.

Onto the next adventure

Life has a funny way of giving you a reason to run, rhetorically speaking of course. It’s been two years since my knee surgery and a lot has happened. From falling in love to breaking up, traveling to the other side of the country on my own to exploring a different country on my own, my life has been full of ups and downs. Just like the scale. Here’s the thing though, I’ve been on the journey called life where I finally realized I need to start living for me.

What does this mean? I’m not exactly sure right now, but I’m trying to figure it out. I have spent most of my life trying to fit into the mold of others, what everyone expected me to be. In the end I was miserable wishing I could just make everyone happy but failing miserably at it.

So after some long and hard thinking I’ve decided to make a huge change with my life. It’s in the “infant” stage right now, but I’m gaining support from those who mean the most to me.

I’m not sure if it will work out because I’ve put it on the back burner twice now, but I finally feel ready. My biggest fear is failing. Not just failing for me, but failing for all the amazing support I have gotten.

This isn’t a weight loss goal or journey, this is my life. The weight loss is just a piece of me, a piece of who I am that once defined me and one that will always be a piece of me.

I’m afraid of jinxing myself right now, but I will admit I’m excited, nervous and determined to learn and see if this plan will work. It will be a huge change and those closest to me haven’t faltered on their support, giving me the push I need to see if I can do it.  

So you’re probably wondering what I’m talking about, right? It’s a passion of mine, one I’ve hidden since I was a kid, but always dreamt of doing.

Sometime in my near future I will be making the trek out to California. Not for vacation this time. I will be moving to pursue my dream of being a screenwriter. I love writing, I want to be a novelist someday as well, but I also love the idea of seeing my work on the screen. I’m not just talking about film, but the everyday shows you stand around the water cooler and talk about at work, the shows where you can’t miss even if your second cousin’s girlfriends fathers sisters in the hospital giving birth to twins.

I’m not sure exactly when this plan will work out, but I’m not going to give up on it. No, this isn’t a weight blog entry this time, but this is a huge part of my life. As you can tell I’m not here just to write about my weight loss, because with weight loss comes new adventures that never seemed possible, this being one of them.

Pain doesn’t always mean gain

Many people believe the saying “No pain, no gain.” Honestly there is a fine line for this, one that many, myself included, cross thinking it is the best thing for us.

Waking up the morning after an intense workout slightly sore is actually a good thing. It means that you worked your muscles to the point where they are going to rebuild stronger. But waking up the next morning unable to move is where true injury occurs.

Now I’m not a doctor, but I have had my fair share of injuries over the years. From broken and dislocated bones to torn every soft tissue known to man, I’m pretty sure my medical file has its own personal warehouse. The idea of pushing through pain is one many misconstrued in which medical treatment is actually delayed.

Some signs you should stop what you are doing right away are as follows:

1)      Loud pop or snapping sound

2)      Instant discoloration

3)      If there is obvious dislocation of the bones

4)      Swelling

5)      Inability to move the limb normally

6)      Bleeding

While these are just the main see with your eye, hear with your ears kind of things to look for they are not always signs of something serious. Believe it or not there are serious injuries that occur every day with little or no visible signs of injury. This means that people continue to work on these injuries making them worse.

Alright you’re probably wondering what are you getting at Melissa? Well here’s an example, I had a knee injury that I never knew about, one that could have healed on its own if I had taken the time to rest. While no one is exactly sure when the original injury occurred, it has been theorized that it occurred during my riding accident.

I spent two more years after that injury running, swimming and biking all of which just caused the injury to continue tearing over and over again. It got to the point where I could no longer walk. I was on crutches and just the thought of moving my knee brought me to tears (actually the memory of that pain still does). It was cringe worthy for anyone who heard the sound my knee made. I wound up needing surgery and six months of physical therapy, just to learn my knee will never be the same again.

What the doctors have said was if I had known of this injury in the beginning I would never have reached that point where I needed surgery because I could have let it heal and grow back on its own.

There’s just one example of my many injuries. So how could I have known I was injured? Besides a constant ache in my knee I never really knew. This is where listening to your body is the best advocate to stop something serious. I could and should have listened to that ache instead of ignoring it. It was my first and only sign of something seriously going wrong.

Instead I pushed through it, thought nothing of it and moved on to the next workout. If I had listened to the pain I would have stopped and gotten it checked out before it meant a run to the O.R. But not all silent injuries are serious either; it could just be a strain that needs rest. Either way if the pain persists please see a doctor and get checked out.

A good indicator on whether to know if you need to schedule an appointment with a doctor is if the pain or soreness persists after 72hrs of rest and R.I.C.E. (Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation). If you are still having pain and difficulty moving it is best to see a doctor to rule out any form of injury.

Taking the lead, a moment of success

I am so proud of my mom. I have to gush about her right now. She has watched me on my journey for the last few years and always tried to lose herself with no luck, giving up when there was no sign of hope.
 
After many conversations of why she doesn't like working out or going alone she has devised a plan which I hope she is happy I will divulge to my reader(s).
 
With a fear of working out alone she always ran (figuratively) to the nearest exit. When I could I would invite her along with me to the gym or pool, hoping it would inspire her to find the courage to go alone, but she was still without courage. As she watched me push myself harder and harder with determination of never giving up even at the lowest points somewhere a spark ignited inside and she decided to ask someone at work if they wanted to go on a walk during lunch.
 
Through this conversation others got involved, they learned of the gym within their office and decided to investigate. Their company provides a treadmill, elliptical and weight machines in a small gym within their building, something any hard working 9-5er would kill for. Through talking, these women have opted for 20 minutes a day to spend in the gym, each person taking a few minutes on each machine. To the listener is sounds like a chaotic mess, but in reality it works for them.
 
But more than anything I'm proud of my mom for taking the steps to find someone else who too was shy, but wanting to go to the gym as well. However, her story doesn't end here. Through this challenge of walking into the gym for the first time, she was faced with her worst fear when the other women had projects that didn’t allow them to go to the gym, and that was going alone. She was determined not to let her fear dance on her progress so she decided to plug her head phones in and boogey down (her exact words) to her iPod... ALONE!!!
 
Everyone has a fear of stepping outside of their box. I've been there, afraid of the looks, comments, etc., but in retro spec I rather get them at the gym than in the food store because in the gym at least they all know I'm working my butt of literally and figuratively to be healthy.
It's not easy getting over that fear, it comes with everything that is different, that could cause rejection. From dating to your career, it's something you have to face because without it, how are you ever going to know if you had a chance?
 
So I am going to say it WAY TO GO MOM, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Advice to start working out

Throughout my whole journey people have asked me for advice. "How do you stay motivated?" "What made you decided to change?" "Can you give any pointers?"

My advice is this JUST DO IT. Concurring your fears are the first step. Don't be afraid to look like an idiot because I guarantee everyone who has ever walked into a gym for the first time has felt the same way at least once or twice.

Being scared is a natural reaction to something new. But the feeling of accomplishment is the most amazing feeling at the end of the day.

I started working out 4 years ago after a really bad horse back riding accident. I was tired of the pain and working out seemed the best way to help me heal. Four years later I've lost over 100 lbs and feel the best I have in years. So it wasn't a look in the mirror or seeing a picture of me that changed my lifestyle decisions, it was a horse and a wall.

Start slow and don't expect results right away. That's the hardest thing to accept honestly. Not seeing results from your hard work within a week or two is frustrating and causes many people to give up hope. But I promise if you stick with it you will slowly start to see results. A pound here or there or more definition in your arms and legs. You will want to see what boundaries you can push next.

I always say it takes 21 days to change a habit after that you are likely to keep that habit in your life by 50%. And once you reach four years there is truly no turning back (at least in my book).

 

Don't give up you will be amazed at your abilities.

Overcoming the plateau blues

I haven’t written in a long time about my journey. Mostly out of fear of feeling like a failure, but I’m not a failure, I was just stuck on a moving treadmill with no idea how to get off. I have been in a plateau for the last several months, 8 months to be exact.

I tried different challenges, running longer and harder, and doing more reps with my weights. Nothing was happening, I was fluctuating in the last 10 lbs on a weekly biases. Even a Biggest loser challenge at work didn’t help me. I started to think I was a failure, never going to find my way out. I changed my diet; adding, subtracting, changing etc. Nothing! I would lose a pound after gaining two and think yes I finally did it. Nope wrong again!

So where was I going wrong? I considered paying for a personal trainer, actually I still am, but my spirits aren’t completely dashed. I decided to find something challenging for myself first and that was training for an AquaBike Vineman, which is a 112 miles on bike and 2.4 miles swimming race. I set up a general idea of a training schedule to at least get my mind in the game, even though my body and courage wasn’t there yet.

Since I work nights I felt more energy running at night before bed and treasured my mornings where I could sleep in. But to get into this training I knew I needed to change that. My knee was killing me, as I had injured it yet again, giving me more motivation to hit the pool again.

I have always been an avid swimmer, trying to get it in on the weekends where I could. I felt relaxed and comfortable in my skin when in the pool. The first week if I made it to the gym twice in the morning I was happy. Told myself the following week will be three days, etc.; until I was there five to seven days a week.

The courage to change my routine was the hardest step. I was comfortable in the privacy of my own room working out. No one could judge me and I could go at my own pace. The first day walking back into a gym was the most nerve wracking experience I had to deal with. I didn’t know where anything was, how the machines worked or what my true goal was.

I slunk back to two bikes in the back row and found comfort in the fact that they were the exact same ones I used in college. Relief, but how much could I do? I didn’t have a distance in mind and decided twenty minutes was my maximum time I wanted to spend in the gym. After a very un-challenging workout I slunk out as if I wasn’t there and made my way home. But more than anything I found the piece of courage I needed to walk into the gym.

I’m six weeks in to this courage defining program. I swim a minimum of one mile five days a week and spend two days a week challenging myself on the bike reaching for further distances climbing up and down hills, followed by a full body weight lifting workout. I have finally reached my seven days a week at the gym and I honestly haven’t felt more pride and joy in myself than I have in a very long time.

The benefit of it all is I feel challenged, healthier, my knee isn’t in pain (most days), and I’m starting to slowly love my body as I watch it change over time.

I’m eleven days into my new workout regiment and I’m proud to say I’ve lost eleven pounds. In the end I’m not a failure, I was just lost, I’m a fighter (as I’ve been told). I’m truly a winner because I never gave up, despite how tempting it was. The plateau has proved to me that stepping out of my comfort zone is the ideal solution to almost anything. If you hate where you’re at change it!

Whether it’s your weight, job, hair, car, anything; take the steps and change it. It’s not going to happen overnight like most, myself included, wish would happen. So take the baby steps to find your next challenge.

Tell me have you ever been in a plateau? What did you feel and how did you change it?

Listen to your body

Life took an interesting twist. I've been experience pain for a few months lately and two weeks ago I found a lump in my breast. As my life came to a crashing halt that instant I realized that I hadn't been listening to my body.

After the shock of what could be wore off I made my way to the doctor. Now here's the thing, we still don't know what the lump is, but its more likely that I tore my Pectoral muscle months ago and over time with running, lifting etc it never healed right.

I was put on orders not to run or do anything excessive. Which is extremely difficult for me. After two days I couldn't take the pressure, I needed to workout. I decided if I can't run, I can't do kickboxing I would do abs.

At the end of my workout I felt great mentally. I hurt like hell otherwise. Two days into my ab routine I realized my chest wasn't hurting as much so I decided to try and run.

Wrong idea!!!

I was in agony within minutes and had to stop. I pushed off running for a few more days, worked on my weights and abs, but stopped cardio. After two weeks I tried a different sports bra and tried to run again. I made it to my 1/2 mile mark before I started feeling pain. It was great and a huge relief. I didn't want to push it so I stopped running once I started feeling pain. I was worried I would feel the pain the next day, but I didn't. I felt great.

So I decided to try it again that night just to have the same results. While I still don't know what is technically wrong with me I have higher hopes that its nothing serious and will just take time to recover.

I have learned after my knee injury I need to listen to my body. Don't ignore something, its your body, you know it more than anyone else.

Accepting the Physical Changes

I have been overweight most of my life... ok all of my life if you don't include birth! I have heard every possible story and belief there is about weight loss throughout my life.

I've heard the "Your face is beautiful" complement. Which is probably worse than saying nothing at all.

So with the huge weight loss I've started to deal with the changes of my physical appearence. I feel great and I have moments of looking great (almost always in clothes), but I'm a girl I want to look great naked! When I look in the mirror I still see the big me. I still see the fully stretched out skin, where my stomach is larger than my boobs and my arms don't fall straight but instead fall off to the side at an angle. Its what I looked at for so long, what I grew used too.

But as the weight started coming off I would get the complements of "You look Great" "Your skinnier now" and so forth, but I will be honest I have a very hard time seeing it. So when I do finally see it I take pride in it. I take note of how my stomach is flatter, how my abs are more pronounced or how you can see definition in my arms.

I think "Melissa you're doing amazing, you're look great keep it up!" then I start noticing more of my physical discomforts. This morning after waking up and hopping out the shower I looked into the mirror and noticed my skin. My dried up prune like skin. It's been stretched for so long that people think it will go back to normal with exercise. I'm here to tell you WRONG!!!!

Stretch marks are scars they don't just go away. My skin is not smooth, it is not tight, it sags in areas I hate & looks gross. Honestly just thinking about it makes me want to cry. But I'm determined to hold nothing back when it comes to this weight loss journey. My skin will not go back to normal, it will shrink back some, but it will never hang as if I weighted 130lbs my whole life. And the after thought scares me.

How will I look? What will I do? Will anyone find me attractive? How will I fix this? All questions running rampant in my head as I stared into the mirror. Then I thought are these fears worth what I'm going through? Full on answer... YES!!!

I'm not going to lie I'm scared to death of what I will look like in my final results. I'm scared of needing surgery & having scars. I'm scared of having all this excess skin. I'm scared of looking just like everyone else.

But my health is more important. Without these changes I would or could be dead. My health has improved ten fold so why should I care so much about the outside? Because I'm human! Accepting the physical changes is harder than deciding to pickup my weights each night. I force myself to look at these changes, to learn to accept them because they are now a part of me. I think of them as a scar, a very large scar. Of not only shedding the weight, but gaining freedom, gaining a feeling of self and letting go of the pain from my past.

Weight loss isn't just about the physical, it's also about the emotional, but you must know that both are connected. To accept your physical changes you must accept the emotional changes that coincide with them. I will cry in front of the mirror if needed, or laugh at the love handles, or jump for joy at the new shape of my butt. But I have to stay in tune with myself to understand and accept them. So embrace the physical changes, love them and hate them. If you hate them figure out how to change them.

I know my end result will land me on a surgical table, but I'm ok with that. I'm scared, but ok because I didn't start this journey on the table. I started it with my own free will, my own determination. (I'm not discrediting weight loss surgery because I have looked into it, but it was just not something for me.) I'm ok with the idea that I will have a scar across my stomach and a new belly button (ok that's kind of hard to accept because honestly I love my belly button) but I know that its my final reward to the long journey of becoming healthy again.

New Year New...

I have spent the last 4 years on a weight loss journey. I'm not near my goal, but I'm closer than I have ever been before. In the last few weeks I have reached my 100lb weight loss mark and have many friends and family privately message me about my "secret".

I figured since its a new year and people have been watching me slowly shed pounds that I would start to let everyone in on it.

I guess a little background would help!

In 2007 I started getting really sick, sleeping all the time, hair was falling out, etc etc... I had actually started to loss weight because everything I ate made me sick. But suddenly after finding that I had PCOS and Hypothyroidism and was put on a combination of drugs to help I reached a weight of 287lbs (holy shit my mother was the only person to ever know that until now). I got the you're going to die speech from my doctors etc. I didn't listen because I didn't see it. It wasn't until a nasty horse back riding fall (stop the laughing now!) in which I broke my back, I realized I needed to do something, but I didn't really do it for my weight, I did it for my pain.

After I recovered I vowed everyday after class I would hit the gym for at least 20mins. I started biking for 20mins a day and felt more energized. I slowly started going to the gym and lifting weights. I lost 10lbs in my last semester of college and felt great. I spent that summer traveling where I lost 25lbs while living abroad. I felt even better. But I came home and life went back to normal & so did the weight. I gained everything I had lost. I started swimming every night and I started to feel better with my pain. Again not seeing the advantage of my weight loss at all.

After returning home for a second time I joined a gym and vowed to swim daily. I did that for a good year losing up to 50lbs. Then came my knee injury. I had started running in the winter/spring of 2011. I felt great, started out slow and even ran a 5K.

Three weeks after the 5K I felt a sudden pop in my knee and knew that everything was going to change. I had devastating knee injury with 90% of the cartilage being torn on my knee cap. My recovery was slow and painful. I gained almost all of the weight back because I couldn't workout as much with my work schedule and PT schedule. Once I was off my crutches I hit the pool again. And I started to loss again. By the end of 2011 I had gained 40 lbs and lost about 30 lbs.

2012 hit and I was still having issues with my knee, but I was feeling more and more energized. I had a tonsillectomy (I'm not recommending surgery what so ever) and after not being able to eat for a good two weeks I lost 20lbs. (They say average is 10 lbs) This was amazing. I felt amazing. So I kept up with my workouts. I kept swimming and added in a vigorous weight training program to help strengthen my knee.

By the summer of 2012 I had hit the ever dreaded plateau. I had lost 70lbs by then and felt I would never be able to keep going. Then I started with one step and I was running again. Alright I cried the whole time because I was told I would never be able too again. I gained 20lbs that summer. I was so mad at myself. How could I do that? How could I allow it to happen?

I became extremely busy with school and work that my workouts dropped off. I started running again and added my weight lifting again to find myself by Thanksgiving reaching my year end goal of 100lbs off 6 weeks early.

I cried, I jumped up and down, I felt everything at once honestly. But the holidays have hit and well I gain 7lbs. What I've learned is I'm ok with it because I haven't given up. So here I am going to let everyone in on the last 60-70lb journey of what I call finding the healthy me. I don't have any expectations or time frame set. While I do set foreseeable goals I don't see one at this moment expect to continue to get healthy. Until I find my next goal I'm just going to keep moving.

So here it is here's my "secret" I don't have one!!! Alright maybe I do, but I haven't really pinned it down to one thing.

I'm not perfect, but I just keep trying. Many people have said I'm an inspiration, but I don't feel that way. I'm just me, just working on living the best life I can possible. I hope you join me on this awesome, hard work, devastating, emotionally challenging journey to figure out what my "secret" is.

If you don't believe me here's me in 2008 at my biggest.

 

Here is my latest picture November 2012.